Secret Shame...

I have a secret that I know I alone sufferer from... Sometimes, on occasion, in certain circumstances I worry what people think about me! Do I look stupid? Do I sound dumb? Am I just some weirdo that people like to laugh about when I walk out of the room? I'm a little jealous of all the extra time you have by not worrying about what people think of you.

So I'm kidding. I know we all have times when we feel self conscious. And if you don't, my professional advice would be to see a psychiatrist as soon as possible and ask him about narcissistic personality disorder. (Just kidding! For real!)

When I'm running and a car drives by or someone is working in their yawn, I often have a quick, but sharp "what are they thinking?!" fear. The more I run, the less I think about it. Over the past 7 weeks, I've come to peace with what I truly believe is reality.

One of running mantras!

I think when most people see anyone running--even those of us who aren't long legged gazelles--have two reactions. First--the non athletes--they see you and think "Look at her running... ugh, I really need to work out. I'll start tomorrow." I know I was that person for a long time in my life. I always admired anyone who was out running in public, with the sad knowledge that I wasn't one of them!

The second reaction is from those who do work out regularly. I imagine them giving me a little "you go girl!" chant while thinking about their last or their next workout. Ultimately, as humans we usually relate everything back to ourselves. So in a way it's silly that I'm worried what people will think of me because they're too busy thinking about themselves! It's how things seem to work for our species.

And if there is someone who thinks something mean, so be it. I'm sure it happens, but I think it is a lot more rare than my mind worries about. Who is better off in the long run--me pushing through a run or some idiot driving through my development? Who cares what a random stranger thinks when I have the love and support of my husband, family, and friends?