I have a secret that I know I alone sufferer from... Sometimes, on occasion, in certain circumstances I worry what people think about me! Do I look stupid? Do I sound dumb? Am I just some weirdo that people like to laugh about when I walk out of the room? I'm a little jealous of all the extra time you have by not worrying about what people think of you.
So I'm kidding. I know we all have times when we feel self conscious. And if you don't, my professional advice would be to see a psychiatrist as soon as possible and ask him about narcissistic personality disorder. (Just kidding! For real!)
When I'm running and a car drives by or someone is working in their yawn, I often have a quick, but sharp "what are they thinking?!" fear. The more I run, the less I think about it. Over the past 7 weeks, I've come to peace with what I truly believe is reality.
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| One of running mantras! |
I think when most people see anyone running--even those of us who aren't long legged gazelles--have two reactions. First--the non athletes--they see you and think "Look at her running... ugh, I really need to work out. I'll start tomorrow." I know I was that person for a long time in my life. I always admired anyone who was out running in public, with the sad knowledge that I wasn't one of them!
The second reaction is from those who do work out regularly. I imagine them giving me a little "you go girl!" chant while thinking about their last or their next workout. Ultimately, as humans we usually relate everything back to ourselves. So in a way it's silly that I'm worried what people will think of me because they're too busy thinking about themselves! It's how things seem to work for our species.
And if there is someone who thinks something mean, so be it. I'm sure it happens, but I think it is a lot more rare than my mind worries about. Who is better off in the long run--me pushing through a run or some idiot driving through my development? Who cares what a random stranger thinks when I have the love and support of my husband, family, and friends?
Week 7 Work Out:
10 minute walk
5 minute free form running
5 cycles of:
1 minute running
15 minutes skipping
5 minute free form run
2 cycles of:
3 minute stretching/walk
5minute free form run
W7D1: Another run with terrible back pain! What's the deal runner friends? I have a few theories--not drinking enough water, hypothyroid symptom, need to stretch more? Tim suggested maybe I need to work on strengthening my core or even get a new sports bra. I don't know, but it's frustrating because I know I've 15 minute free form all the way through, and now I'm struggling with 5 minute runs? And it's all about the back pain. I'm making some immediate changes before my day 2 run on Saturday--more water and stretching and making sure I take some Tylenol before the run!
Distance: 2.57 mi Duration: 44:36 mins Avg Speed: 3.46/mph Avg Pace: 17:20 min/mi
W7D2: Honest moment. I'm writing this a week after I actually did this run so I can't remember it all that well, other than by the stats... it sucked pretty bad! What I do remember is that I had planned to run Saturday morning, but Penny woke me up early and I wasn't feeling well so I put it off to the afternoon. And even then, Tim had to help kick my butt out the door. So my motivation wasn't the best and I just wasn't feeling it. But I've been told to expect those days and to aim to conquer them!
Distance: 2.36 mi Duration: 43:17 mins Avg Speed: 3.2/mph Avg Pace: 18:45 min/mi
W7D3:I do remember that on Sunday, I was feeling a little better and had a much more pleasant run mentally. Mostly, this run was important because it was my last of week 7! Only 1 more week to go before finishing the entire Zombies, Run! 5K program!
Distance: 2.6 mi Duration: 44:00 mins Avg Speed: 3.41/mph Avg Pace: 17:35 min/mi
Week 6 Work Out:
5 minute walk
10 minute free form running
10 half squats
2 cycles of:
30 seconds stretching
10 half squants
5 minutes fast walk
7 minute free form run
2 cycles of:
2 minute stretching/walk
7 minute free form run
W6D1: This weeks workout seemed a little more complicated with all the different cycles and stretches. I'll start off with being honest. I didn't do the squats. I get that they are to help strengthen your legs, but my pride just wouldn't let me do squats out in the middle of our neighborhood. I did do some knee and heel lifts during those times, though. I had intentions of doing the squats once I got in the privacy of my own home, but never actually got around to it. As far as the run goes... it was my third difficult run in a row. Mentally, I struggled big time. Physically, it was hot and my legs felt heavy. But, I finished and I ran all the free form runs (31 minutes worth). And that's my focus now--endurance. I'll have a few weeks to work on my pace and speed once I'm done the 5K training program.
Distance: 2.98 mi Duration: 51:02 mins Avg Speed: 3.5/mph Avg Pace: 17:08 min/mi
W6D2: I struggled before this run. I had taken a nap, got up and changed into my running clothes, and then sat on the couch and whined about not wanting to go out. Thankfully, my husband gently pushed me to get my butt out the door. I'm glad because it was my first good feeling run in over a week and I needed that! The weather was perfect and my legs felt great. My speed/pace was even up a little bit!
Distance: 3.05 mi Duration: 50:18 mins Avg Speed: 3.63/mph Avg Pace: 16:31 min/mi
W6D3: I started off feeling pretty strong. It was a hot day and it felt (for lack of a better term) pollen-y. It was probably all in my head, but it was like I could feel all the pollen I was breathing in. So far, the allergy meds I started taking as soon as I noticed trees starting to blossom has been doing its job, though. Things were going pretty well until the last 7 minute free form run. For the first time in weeks, I had to walk for part of a free form run. Ugh. One of the symptoms of hypothyroidism is sore and weak muscles, which I've been dealing with. This week, the pain has been in my back. So during that last run, my legs felt okay, wasn't totally out of breath, and feeling mostly okay other than severe back pain! So I walked for about a minute, maybe a little more, of that last run, but at that point, I just wanted to make it home!!
Distance: 2.92 mi Duration: 49:52 mins Avg Speed: 3.51/mph Avg Pace: 17:05 min/mi
Week 5 Work Out:
5 minute walk
5 minute free form running
8 cycles of:
30 seconds walking
1 minute running
6 reps heel lifts
10 minute free form run
5 minute stretching/walk
10 minute free form run
W5D1: I felt great today. I went with Tim to the canal for his long run day. I knew he was planning for about 80 minutes out running, so I planned to do my regular workout, which was scheduled to take 52 minutes and then do another 20-30 minutes walking. Once I really got into the workout, I was feeling great. I turned off my app at the end of the 52 minutes, but kept on going. My "walk" back to the car turned into a free form run. So unofficially, I did 4.5 miles in 74 minutes. I ran all 33 minutes of the work out, plus an additional 12 on the way back to the car to give me 45 minutes total running today! My legs are feeling great now, and I'm hoping I didn't ruin them for tomorrow.
Distance: 3.26 mi Duration: 52:00 mins Avg Speed: 3.76/mph Avg Pace: 15:59 min/mi
W5D2: I had a lot of fun on this run. I picked up my parents dog, Eddie, and took him with me to the canal. He had a blast and so did I. It took us a little while to get the hang of running together, but he seemed so happy trotting beside me. It was pretty hot, though, and my body is still adjusting to that.
Distance: 3.11 mi Duration: 52:39 mins Avg Speed: 3.54/mph Avg Pace: 16:56 min/mi
W5D3: Ugh, this was a miserable run. I had taken two days off, but my muscles and legs just ached. I just wanted it to be over as soon as I had started. It was hot, too. My thyroid symptoms seem very elevated this week, so that wasn't helping anything. It was definitely a victory just to finish type of run. Hoping for a better run week during week 6!!
Distance: 3.01 mi Duration: 51:54 mins Avg Speed: 3.47/mph Avg Pace: 17:16 min/mi
Week 4 Work Out:
5 minute walk
5 minute running
5 cycles of:
10 seconds knee lifts
1 minute slow walking
1 minute fast walking
5 cycles of:
1 minute walking
30 seconds running
15 minute free form run
W4D1:Today was beautiful--perfect temperature, little wind, just lovely. And I didn't want to get off the couch. But I finally motivated myself to get out there. Looking at this week's workouts, it seemed to be much more about building endurance than speed. So that was what I decided to focus on. There was only 22.5 minutes running compared to 26 last week, but that 15 minute run was a bit scary. So I went out there with the goal of not even thinking about my speed and just running those 15 minutes solid. The hilarious thing? I went further than ever before with the best speed and pace yet. Crazy, huh? Also, I went a little over a mile in those 15 minutes, so I was pretty thrilled about that!
Distance: 3.45 mi Duration: 49:48 mins Avg Speed: 4:15/mph Avg Pace: 14:26 min/mi
W4D2: This was one of those runs where it was simply about finishing. It was so windy that for a while, I had to hold on my hat so it didn't fly off my head. My legs felt so heavy! I started the 15 minute free form run going straight into the wind for a long stretch. When the app told me I had done 2 minutes, I thought my legs would fall off before I made it 15 minutes. But I persevered, jogging slowly along until I reached the end. I knew my stats would be terrible, but I finished and that was what today was about.
Distance: 2.92 mi Duration: 47:17 mins Avg Speed: 3.7/mph Avg Pace: 16:12 min/mi
W4D3: I decided I needed a "change of pace" from running around our development, so I went to the Hagerstown City Park on my way home. City Park has a reputation for being a hangout for some less than reputable people, but typically that's after dark. I couldn't get the idea out of my head and there wasn't as many people out as I was hoping despite a pretty nice, if overcast, day. My run went fine for the first 40 minutes or so, other than having to leave the path due to a showdown with a goose that I lost. But with about 6 minutes left to my final free form run, I was behind an older, scruffy looking man who kept swaying from one side of the path to the other. I had no clue how I was going to pass him. He heard me coming up behind him and turned around. He reeked of alcohol and said "hey beautiful, where you headed." I said "just running" and probably stepped it up as fast as I could without going into a full out sprint. Thankfully, I was headed towards the main playground where I knew there were some people out. I circled the playground area until I finished my last 6 minutes. I don't think I'm going to be heading back there if I'm alone. Even before that happened, I just felt like I was so hyper vigilant of who I was around, that I couldn't relax and focus on my run at all.
Distance: 2.98 mi Duration: 47:22 mins Avg Speed: 3.77/mph Avg Pace: 15:54 min/mi
Side Note: First, I am really glad to be done week 4! The 10+ minutes of slow walking/fast walking/knee lifts were so tedious. Looking ahead to week 5 seems to be a lot more challenging, so I'm really excited for that! Also, I am 50% of the way done the Zombies, Run! 5K app!! I finished 4 weeks in 24 days. If I keep up the same pace, I'll finish the app the last week of April, leaving me all of May and the first week of June to work on speed and pace for the 5K I have planned on June 8th. I did see one a few weeks before that--May 18th--today that benefits the Humane Society. I'm tempted to try to do both...
Whenever I get frustrated with my weight loss progress or when I feel lousy and tired, Tim will oh so gently remind me that I'm "a chick with a thyroid problem."
That became a title I started carrying about two months after our wedding when my period didn't show up. Initially, we had a "oh crap" moment, and despite being married I worried about what my mother would say, but then we came to peace with this idea that my period was over a week late and even became--dare I say, excited?
And that's when my journey to a diagnosis (actually, two diagnoses) began. We started out with several blood tests. No pregnancy, but my thyroid and prolactin hormones were off the charts. My PCP sent me through the gambit of tests--ultrasounds, CT scans, MRIs--before coming to any conclusions. The MRI was the worst. The noise is bad, the small tube is bad, but the two being combined is pretty miserable.
My PCP was able to diagnose my first issue--which was the most frightening sounding of the two. I had a rare tumor in my brain that was in the pituitary gland and was the cause of the high prolactin levels. Despite the words "tumor", "brain", and "rare" in the same sentence, this ended up being a relatively minor issue. Everything was benign and it was easily treatable with medication. I take a half a pill twice a week and the tumor will shrink until it disappears. My prolactin levels are dropping and at some point in the next year or so, I should be able to be off of the medication.
I was then sent to an ENT doctor due to the thyroid hormones. She conducted a 2 day long radioactive thyroid study and confirmed a diagnosis of hyperthyroidism. I was surprised because I didn't have some of the main signs--weight loss, hair falling out, or high energy levels. As with most things with the human body, everyone experiences their own symptoms. For whatever reason--I think it was the combination of the tumor and the hyperthyroidism--my main symptoms were irregular periods, headaches, shaky hands, fatigue, and weight gain.
From there, I was sent to my first appointment with my endocrinologist. I left there that day not really liking the guy. He confirmed the diagnosis of hyperthyroidism and gave me my options. I could take medication and after 18 months, I'd have a 50/50 chance that the hyperthyroidism would go into remission. However, it would most definitely be back at some point, especially if I were to get pregnant. I asked about getting pregnant during that 18 months. It wasn't ideal, he explained, because of the higher risk of miscarriage and that they would have to switch me to a less preferred medication for part of the pregnancy due to development of the baby.
My other option was to take a radioactive iodine treatment. I'd swallow a pill, the thyroid would suck up all the radioactive iodine, and over a few months, my thyroid gland would die off. This would put me into a hypoactive state for the rest of my life and I would permanently be taking a replacement hormone. Due to the radiation, I would not be able to get pregnant or our little one would also be born without his or her thyroid.
I spent a few days feeling pretty devastated. We felt like we were ready to try for a baby. I didn't even want to wait six months. I didn't want to force my body into a hypoactive state. I didn't like the odds on remission. I hated all my options.
I finally decided that the six month radiation treatment and a life of replacement hormones made the most sense for me. I called the doctor and about a week later I was swallowed the radiation pill. I had to keep my distance from people for two day--including Penny, who didn't understand why all of a sudden she couldn't cuddle on my lap. I even got the bed to myself for the weekend. Other than feeling exhausted for the two to three weeks afterwards, it wasn't that terrible of an experience.
Since then, the doctor has been monitoring my dropping hormone levels. My most recent appointment was yesterday where we got some great news. My hormone levels were at "the perfect levels" to start the replacement hormone. Next month, I head back to the doctor for another hormone check to see if the meds need any adjustments. The doctor felt pretty confident that he'd be able to get the amount I would need right within the next visit. He also said, if things continue to progress as they have been, Tim and I can start "trying" in June. Once I got through my initial dislike of my doctor (it was only because of the news he gave me), I'm glad he' the one treating me. I mean, it's not like I want to go out to dinner with him or meet his family, but I have been impressed with his knowledge, experience, and treatment of hyperthyroidism. If you find yourself needing to see an endocrinologist, feel free to contact me and I will give you his name.
During the visit yesterday, the doctor asked me how my weight loss progress had be going. I told him I had lost about 19 lbs overall. He inquired about how the last few weeks had gone. "Funny you should ask..." I began, as I told him of how I stayed the same two weeks ago and saw a 3 pound gain this week, despite running 12 miles and staying under my calorie goal. He simply nodded and said "the timing would be right around the time your thyroid hormone dropped into the hypo range".
I looked at Tim and smiled. He gave me a look that said, "I could do this doctor thing!" So I had to admit that he was right--I'm a "chick with a thyroid problem".
